Several readers of this blog have e-mailed to urge me to reconsider terminating my existence this month. Although I appreciate their concern and I have no real wish to die, none of them have made a good case for me not to go ahead with it. Some have said that worse things have happened to others, which is true, but unhelpful. The ‘something will turn up’ argument is totally without merit as given the dire economic condition that this evil and incompetent government has put us into there is no doubt that my already low income from benefits will be under threat.
One reader did get my attention when they sent me a link to a story about a young mother, Christelle Pardo, and her baby son, Kayjah, died when she was driven to jump out of window by the DWP. Caseworkers at the DWP will do anything to reduce the claimant count and they know that driving the claimant to kill themselves is a very good way to close a case and avoid any appeals. They also know that they can get away with a murder like this without any fear of being held accountable. As my emailer says,” they want you to kill yourself. Nobody will give a damn about you”
One of the major things that made me want to end it all is the continuous feeling of frustration I have as I consider all the things that I know I am capable of achieving but have been permanently denied. I have always wanted to create; that is why I refer to my death as termination rather than destruction (a concept that appeared to be beyond the comprehension of the staff in the hospital I was imprisoned in). Maybe I should marshal my thoughts into a new direction?
At this point all the people at the FTAC will be wetting themselves as they jump up and down saying, “Ah! There you see. Vague and ambiguous threats. This is typical in these cases”. They will recommend that the police come round to my house and abduct me again. The problem with people like the FTAC is that they are obsessed with finding threats where there are none to justify their existence. My response to the question ‘are you making a threat’ is (I am sorry, I cannot resist this) ‘maybe I am, or maybe I am not; you will find out someday’.
There is another way of ensuring that I pose no threat to anyone (apart from incarceration or assignation; both of which are practiced by this government) which is to actually listen to me. I can prove everything I have said. Massive damage has been done to me by the state and I am not responsible for any of it. If the damage could be repaired then it would yield immediate and large dividends. However, such thinking is beyond the capacity of this government and its operatives such as the FTAC; I am far more likely to be locked up, killed, or left to rot with the hope I will kill myself. There is no chance that they would help me and thereby several others at the same time.
As always: All I ever wanted to do is earn a living in peace.
