Monday, 5 October 2009

A return to blogging very soon.

I am beginning to feel better about writing some more about the suffering I had at the hands of Jonsson at Mile End Hospital. I have wanted and promised to write more for ages, but when I sit with Word open I feel horrid; I just freeze and cannot write anything. Everyday, every week for months, I spend all day at my computer achieving very little. I struggle to do the simplest tasks; more complex ones generally never get completed. None of it seems worth it.

This inability to do anything infects everything I am working on. I have another project that I use to keep my skills up-to-date and it is a prototype of a potential business. That is if the government would repair the damage it has done so I can operate as a normal human being again. It also serves to show that show that I do indeed have advanced technical skills in database and software design and development as applied to financial products. This is something that ‘doctor’ Jonsson claimed that I did not really have, but was another one of my delusions. He would not allow me to present any evidence to back up anything I said; he just decreed everything to be delusions. I am stuck making progress with that too. Although that is in part because the computer I use for development is old and not powerful enough to handle the current development tools when applied to projects of anything but the smallest size.

I am disgusted by myself; I feel filthy. I often sit and think, “Who is this man that I have become because it is no the real me”. I just don’t understand why this evil government has done this. I was everything that was required of me. I was once a successful, respectable, and very hardworking businessman. Now I am a disgusting wreck living in squalor. I am not responsible for any of this. I did not choose to be out of work, I am not an alcohol or drug abuser, nor did I ‘hear voice’ telling me to do stupid things. I do not believe that initially they specifically targeted me; I was just one of many thousands that were collateral damage of this evil governments policies. Let this be a warning to everyone: it could happen to you.

I have come to terms with the reality that there is no chance of ever escaping this disgusting squalor that I have been forced in to. Future prospects look even direr. Today the Conservatives announced that they would be even more aggressive than the current government at finding ways to contrive reasons for withdrawing or at the very least reducing benefits for people like me. My only option is obvious. However, it is not imminent; I have a lot more trouble to cause with this blog before I am finished.

All I ever wanted to do is earn a living in peace. It is all such a waste – but that is the nature of governments, both Labour and Conservative, in the UK.