Thursday, 29 July 2010

Euthanasia for the terminally unemployed

Earlier today this blog had a visit from a post I made on AnnaRacoons Blog about Euthanasia for the terminally unemployed. I believe that it should be available more than ever. I think it is cruel to make people continue to live on when there is no chance that they will ever be allowed to have any satisfaction in life at any level. Our only choice is suicide, but there the prospects are grim. Doing physical damage to oneself is painful with the high probability of it not being successful and having to continue in a worse state. I’ve made attempts, obviously failed, and it is the fear of failing again that has prevented me from trying again; up until now.. If successful, the remains may lay undiscovered for some considerable amount of time; it would in my case.

Western culture frowns upon suicide and will punish those that want to cease to exist by imprisoning them. Having spent sometime at the hands of such people I can assure everyone that it is worse than dying. The never ending emptiness of ones life, with nothing to do, nothing to read, nobody to talk to except your jailers, or other prisoners who although nice, were mainly very highly disturbed, and often had learning difficulties. The cleaners did their best to maintain standards, but the other patients reduced the ward to a state of disgusting squalor. I had to endure this emptiness for months on end, without any hope of change. I will never go through that again.

I am not allowed to have a life that is in anyway comparable to the standards that others expect. What is more, I am not allowed to know why. I wish I understood the logic by which this world works. Nobody, except me, thinks that there is anything wrong. In that case, you can keep it, I want no more to do with it.

There is a scene in the classic film Soylent Green that would suit me fine. In this story euthanasia is encouraged and people are treated with some modicum of dignity at their end. I clearly cannot continue, so can I have at least some dignity in death and be allowed to die like this. The alternatives for me are to die alone and let my body rot until the stench becomes unpleasant to the neighbours, or I could do something in public and inconvenience many people.

A nice bit of Beethoven, some pleasant images (can I have Caribbean scenes please) and something to peacefully end life would be nice. Dump the body in the incinerator with the rest of the waste will be fine.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Here we go again.

I've just spotted a police van out side. And there we go ... a knock on my door. Just has a calm chat. "Bla, Bla, Bla..... Good night", says I. Plod, "OK, were going now." and off they wander. Outside the look up to my flat and then get inside their van. The wait there for 15 mins, but have now driven off. Pointless.

Yet another policeman banging on my door

I just ignored it. After a while they went away.

Gentlemen, I am not going to talk to you. You cannot intimidate me by your visits.

If you want to resolve this issue then rethink what you are doing. Let me have the same rights as everyone else. Let me have protection under the law. Let me have access to proper healthcare. Let me have access to legal representation. Let me have access to political representation. LET ME WORK!

I know, they are outrageous and unrealistic expectations.


28 Jul 20:20 - There is a police car and an ambulance waiting just up the street. I think they may be for me.

28 Jul 20:27 - The ambulance has driven off, but the police car is still there.

28 Jul 20:37- The police car has gone now. I expect they will be banging on my door in the early hours again.

Another attempt to get a solicitor

It is a futile effort, I know. I have to do things like this as an evidence gathering exercise.

I e-mailed the following solicitor firms last night:

I do not expect to hear from any of them, at least not in a positive way. The best I can expect is a letter claiming that they are ’too busy’.

I’ll give them a few days and then write to the Law Society for advice. Not that anything will come of that, but it may be entertaining to see what response or lack of it I get.


(15:20) A response from one of them! Rachel Short from Fisher Meredith (, Tel:020 7091 2849) Guess what: "Thank you for your enquiry, unfortunately at this time we do not have capacity to deal with your case."

(21:45) I have just looked at the stats for this site. Although Fisher Meredith are far too busy to help me, they found time to make over 100 visits to this site. Google has done it's magic too and the search term "Rachel Short Fisher Meredith" lists this site as number one. I know I should feel guilty about that, but ... er .. um ..[laugh] sorry.

(29Jul 11:00) I've had more than a dozen visits to this blog so far this morning from 'we are too busy' Fisher Meredith. In that time they could have written a letter to Dr Dolan of East London NHS trust to get him to answer the question. I cannot get any form of legal help because of blatant discrimination. It is disgusting.

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Thoughts on a sleepless night I

As I go through the final stages before the imminent end I feel the need to express the feelings I have. Mostly this is self-indulgence to clarify things in my own mind, but if it helps others that are going through similar problems then that is a bonus.

I am writing this at around 2am. My sleep patterns are all over the place. Poor sleep hygiene is what the medical types call it. The term reminds me of comedy shows with an adolescent boy being made to ware boxing gloves at night. It is rare that I get a full night sleep, but normally I manage to cope and not suffer during the day. However, this last week has been different with painful headaches and the need to sleep during the day.

Prior to getting up, I was thinking about these last few blog posts. I was thinking of ways to describe just how I felt. The term ‘dirty’ kept coming to mind. I feel physically dirty. My surroundings are dirty. My clothes and possessions are old and worn. I feel ashamed of what I have lost and what I have become.

[This is the point when the police came banging on my door]

This is not to say that I am not looking after myself. I am far better than most single men when it comes to cleaning. Equally, I am not talking about obsessive cleaning and still feeling dirty.

The key to understanding my feelings come from something I was reading during the day about loss of identity. A phrase that I keep thinking is “this is not me”. It is as if I have been forced to step back and a barrier erected. The interface between me and the world is a façade that isn’t me at all.

When I look inside myself it is not a pleasant landscape. Though it is not devoid of joy and pleasure, these are rare. What dominate are tears, grief, loss, fear and anger. I have feelings of injustice and a desire for vengeance, but mainly confusion about why this is happening. It just doesn’t make sense at any level or perspective.

What is truly terrifying is when I look deep inside myself; into what some might call ones soul. This is best way to imagine this is to recall a scene from dreadful horror film where someone is conscious as their body purifies. I feel my very soul rotting inside me.

On top of all this gets layered the insults of ‘doctor’ Jonsson and the rest of the medical ‘professionals’. They deliberately reversed causality; decreed events and aspects, such as my skill set, as being delusions even though I have documentary evidence that they are true; and distorted or even fabricated events and beliefs. When I complain all I get is stonewalled. In fact the more I protest that they have got it wrong, the more that refuse to listen. There is no hope of any resolution.

I detest everything my life has become. Along with “this is not me”, I keep thinking the phrase, “I cannot go on living like this”. I have made a few attempts at suicide in the past, but I have been too incompetent or afraid to get it right. Some have said it was because I still had hope, but I see it as being in denial. I have no reason to exist. I have no function to perform and I derive no pleasure from existence. In deed existence is suffering and that suffering can only grow.

The time has come for things to end. The questions are ‘by what means’ and ‘how should I resolve my desire for vengeance’. These are topics for later posts.

I just wish I understood why this has happened. All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living peace. Why was that so wrong? What where they expecting me to do for the rest of my life?

Another 2am visit from the police

I am sitting here writing my next blog post and there is a bang on the door. Guess who.

“Do you have bang on my door in the early hours”, say I.

“It’s the police”.

Yeah, right. Like it’s going to be someone else.

"Yeah, I know who you are. Go away"

“People are concerned about you”, plod continues.

Yeah, right.

“Go away”, I reply.

“OK", replies plod and they leave.

If the police or any other official body had any real concern for my safety then they would talk to me properly. However, I will only talk to the police after they have formally admitted their previous lies when they abducted me from my home.

Right then, back to writing my next post. When they read the posts I’ve got planned, they will be back again no doubt.

Monday, 26 July 2010


I have exhausted all possible means to get my life back together. I have tried ever means possible to get people to listen.

In fact being persistent in trying to get ones case heard is counter productive as Dr James uses it as evidence of the complainant’s psychosis. This has given the miscreant organisations a means to avoid dealing with any of their misdeeds. They can do what ever they want and if anyone complains they can ignore it. If you carry on with your complaint then you are mentally ill. Thank you Dr James, do you really understand just what an abusive system you have created?

In the last few weeks we have seen some incredible things. We have had the case of the murdering policeman of Mr Tomlinson. He was caught on camera assaulting the poor man, having a previous history of misdeeds and was thrown off the police force in the past, but manages to get away with murder.

Then there was the sad case of Raul Moat. The behaviour of the police was appalling. It show total incompetence in their ability to find him, but also I was disgusted in their use of lies to the media. I am not saying what Mr Moat did was not wrong. However, I believe he was let down and abused by the system and particularly the police.

Although we have seen the end of the Labour government their replacement are just as bad. None of the criminals will ever face trial for what they did. Things are going to get a lot worse for their victims too. I am a man with no hope, nothing left to lose and a massive feeling of injustice; a very explosive combination.

As always; All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Friday, 16 July 2010

Blood money: £100,000 salary of FTAC doctors

I have noticed a bit of unusual traffic to this blog with search phrases like “FTAC Buckingham Gate”. However, the giveaway for what is going on was “FTAC Jobs”. A quick look myself reviled that the FTAC a recruiting more staff.

Contact NameDr Robert Bates
Telephone020 8375 2713

That is right; they pay these evil people £100,000 pa. This is disgusting. The whole of the scheme is a fraud. It was sold to the pervious government to ease their paranoia and to enable them to ‘disappear’ people they found ‘inconvenient’.

I have found form bitter experience just how corrupt these people are. There seems no end to the supply of doctors in the NHS who can be persuaded to give false diagnosis and condemn people to imprisonment without trial. For £100,000 there will be a queue of people every so willing to give whatever diagnosis is required of them.

Take my example, ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson fabricated a diagnosis and found two others to back him up without any problem whatsoever. It was obvious that they had made up their minds the moment the interview started. Jonsson claims that I suffer from a persistent delusional personality disorder. However, I cannot get East London NHS Foundation Trust to tell me what those delusions are. There are no delusions. The FTAC decreed that I should be locked up and grounds were fabricated to put on the paperwork.

I have repeatedly challenged all of those involved to hold a proper investigation by a truly independent analyst (i.e. non-NHS, and preferably from overseas). Then I can present evidence to show that I have been a victim of the criminal behaviour of the previous government, the incompetence and spite of the civil service, and the lies and corruption of the FTAC, police and NHS.

However they refuse to hold an investigation. We can only assume that they have a lot to hide.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Friday, 2 July 2010

Dr David James founder of the FTAC

I am indebted to a contributor who best remains anonymous for the knowledge that the founder of the Fixated Threat Assessment Centre is doing the rounds of the conferences at the moment. Next week (5-6 July 2010) Dr James ( is appearing at a two day workshop entitled “Assessing Stalking Risk”. For £500 you can hear him spout his nonsense.

The brochure contains a very poor image of the miscreant. I don’t know about anyone else, but this is the sort of picture the tabloid press like to print when they have a story about a paedophile or rapist.

In a way I am jealous of what Dr James has achieved, but he used his knowledge and spotted an opportunity and has milked it for all it’s worth. He correctly spotted where the former government was most fearful i.e. for their own safety. This is a common trait amongst all dictatorial regimes thought history; he doesn’t get any marks there. What he did was find a way to sell to them his services to remove potential nuisances from society without having to go through the tiresome business of putting them on trial. He could get them locked up without anyone giving a damn.

Not satisfied with the power to order people to be locked up until they die, James wanted more. He has gotten on the lecture circuit and appears from London to Australia telling people how to spot nutters and how it is alright to abuse peoples human rights.

Will I be ‘stalking’ him outside the venue in Belgrave Square? No, I’ve got far more interesting things to do. However, I offer this challenge to Dr James: talk to me. Listen to the truth. Let me present to you proper evidence that proves everything I have said about what happened to me, the corrupt or incompetent behaviour of MP’s and government departments. One condition, there has to be witnesses and it has to be fully recorded and documented. If you uphold the fraudulent diagnosis of ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson and you can convince the witnesses then I will willingly be locked up forever (though I would prefer execution). If you do not then I want my life back in full and a commitment that your organisation, the police, and everyone else that has cause me so much suffering keep out of my life forever. You can carry on selling your snake oil to fearful governments; just don’t do it to me.

I expect that this offer will reach him sometime as I have them all over this blog on a regular basis. However, I do not expect that they will ever take me up on my offers to talk. They can’t have something as embarrassing as the truth causing them trouble.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Update (17:48) I sent a URL for this post to and repeated my offer and said "The questions is: are you an honorable and professional doctor, or just a snake oil salesman to oppressive governments?" I had a visit from someones Blackbury at 17:39. I suppose I should expect the police to be knocking on my door later.

Update (03 jul 18:00)

On Friday there were a fair number of visits to this site from Blackberry devices and IP Addresses thought to be associated with the FTAC. I have not heard anything from them. You would think if they were so confident in their analytical abilities and that I was a legitimate case with no possibility of error, they would relish the chance to demonstrate how clever they are.

Your Freedom : Abolish the FTAC

Prompted by JuliaM’s comment on the previous post, I have looked at the ‘Your Freedom’ website from the government asking for suggestions. I found that someone has already suggested the abolition of the FTAC. I had not bothered as I didn’t see any prospect of the suggestion remaining on their system and there is no chance of the government closing it down. However, since someone has made an entry I suppose I better make a comment.

The FTAC is open to abuse and I am proof of it.

I was held prisoner for five months at Mile End Hospital on instructions from the FTAC. At the root of my complaint to MP’s was the abuse of the intra-company transfer scheme that was destroying the livelihoods of thousands of British IT professionals and causing long-term damage to the British economy and potentially national security.

The treatment that I had to endure bordered on torture in the way that I suffered personal degradation such as not being allowed to wash properly or even cut my nails, through to assault by forcible medicated in the last month although no medication was used the whole of the previous four months. Everything I had ever done or achieved in my life was denied to have ever happened. Even though I could produce documentary evidence to prove it, I was never allowed to present it. I suffered five months of doctors micro-scrutinising my every action and contriving ever wilder explanations to justify their detention of me.

I have been branded as suffering from having a persistent delusional personality disorder. However, my requests for East London NHS to be specific in what those delusions actually are have been refused. They claim to use evidence based diagnosis but refuse to state that evidence. In truth, there are no delusions; everything I ever said I can provide documentary evidence, has come to pass and is now in the historical record, or is a widely held belief by respectable people. There only remains fabrications by doctors which there is no evidence that I hold the belief.

There is no recourse to any form of justice for anyone that has been subject to the abuses of the FTAC. The IPCC and the relevant ombudsmen organisation automatically decide against the complainant regardless of any evidence. No lawyer will touch a case where the FTAC are involved if they have a choice. When forced to represent someone they will not represent them properly. Obviously trying to get ones own MP to help will get no response whatsoever.

Although I was release by a tribunal, I have been totally abandoned with no help whatsoever. I live in poverty and squalor with a continuous fear of what the state is going to do to me next. I have no prospect of ever getting back to work, but face the very real danger of having my benefits withdrawn. Even if they are not, they will decline in real-terms driving me into ever deeper poverty.

The FTAC is used to eliminate the politically inconvenient as well as truly sick people. Those that implement the directives to detain people are far too willing to commit fraud and abuse peoples rights. Those organisations that are charged with oversight and ensuring best practice turn a blind eye. People who should represent the individual who have been subject to injustice shun them. The FTAC is a dark stain on Britain; it is a feature of many a dystopia fiction that come to life.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

I expect that the whole suggestion will be deleted at anytime; my comment certainly will.