The end has come

Final ever post of mine on other blog: The end has come.

The time is gone, the song is over

New post on other blog: The time is gone, the song is over

More evidence that supports me

New post on my other blog, In place of justice - More evidence that supports me

BBC sanitises FTAC report

I was contacted Chris Summers of the BBC asking questions about my experiences with the FTAC. I was reluctant to help him because the BBC has repeatedly been told of the abuses that the FTAC get up to and have failed to investigate. He said, and I have no reason to disbelieve him, that the press conference by the police on the Pope’s security was the first time he had heard of the FTAC.

In due course, Mr Summers produced his piece and published it on the BBC website. Although I had not directly assisted him he had used a couple of phases lifted from the blog. He also cited the case of Maurice Kirk.

However, the piece has been truncated and all the references to Mr Kirk and my site quotes have been removed. The report in question as it currently stands at the BBC is to be found here.

Fortunately, the internet is a wonderful thing that never sleeps and never blinks. The history of the piece by Mr Summers can be seen at News Sniffer.

What possible reason would there be to remove one whole side of a reasonably balanced report?

I have e-mailed Mr Chris Summers (chris.summers@bbc.co.uk) to ask him if he got into trouble for his report.

Updates

Mr Summers replies, "Those paragraphs were removed by one of my superiors."

I enquire further with, "Doesn't it strike you as ..... well ..... proving the point of my objection to their existence?"

His response was, "No comment ;-)"

Thank you everyone for keeping me

New post on new blog: Thank you everyone for keeping me

FTAC and the Papal vist

It appears that the existence of the FTAC has become more widely known to the press at a briefing about the security for the Pope's visit. That was probably a mistake as they normally like to keep themselves and what they do a secret.

Let me make it perfectly clear that I have no interest in the Pope, his visit to the UK, or anything else all these sky fairy worshipers get up to. The FTAC have not contacted me about this or any other matter. I get a lot of mail from people that are probably legitimate subjects for the FTAC and none of them have mentioned the Pope either.

Could it be that they are trying to justify their existence in the face of budget cuts? Dr David James is going to have his work cut-out this time. He identified the paranoia of the last regime and their authoritarian desires so they were an easy sale. It’s going to be a lot tougher now.

I came to the attention of the FTAC because I kept on complaining about having my livelihood destroyed by the flooding of imports on fraudulent work-permits. It bankrupted me, made me homeless and destroyed my mental and physical health. I can get no help whatsoever to get my life back together.

I have been subject to the most horrific abuse including police lies and harassment such as banging on my door at 2am waking and frightening the neighbours. I have been abducted from my home and lock up in mental ward where I was subjected to treatment that could be classified as torture. I have been subject to false diagnosis, but have been refused the specific details of what that diagnosis is, the evidence it is based on and how the diagnosis was derived. I cannot get proper healthcare. I cannot get legal representation. I can not get parliamentary representation.

I am alone and without any hope.

Many times I have considered suicide; that is exactly what the FTAC and their masters want. They may get what they wish, but it is going to be on my terms.

All I want to do is work, nothing else. It is all I ever wanted to do.

Update

Dear Pope: Gawd Bless ya guv’nor.

In the last few days the traffic to this site has shot up. Since the FTAC broke cover everybody has been asking WTF is the FTAC. Since I have been working hard to get good Google rankings for this site, they end up here. Which is nice.

Other than that, I have no interest in the Papal visit; it is nothing to do with me.

The new blog has begun

In place of justice

Is Dr Robert Dolan putting his pension ahead of his duties and the truth?

Moved to: In place of justice

Last week Ian Cowie in the Telegraph postulated that it may have been the fear of loss of his pension that may have been behind the ‘suicide’ of Dr David Kelly. I am wondering if it is a similar fear of a loss of pension that may be behind the reluctance of Dr Robert Dolan to answer the questions I posed to him about my imprisonment.

To recap, I was held prisoner at Mile End Hospital by ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson on orders from the Fixated Threat Assessment Centre (FTAC) who themselves were acting on instruction from the Labour government. The diagnosis that ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson made was that I suffer from ‘Persistent Delusional Personality Disorder’. I believe that this is a malicious falsehood.

I have repeatedly asked everyone up to and including the chairman of East London NHS Foundation Trust, Dr Robert Dolan a simple question: For each of supposed delusional beliefs, a) what specifically is that belief, b) what is the proof that do actually hold that belief, and c) proof that the belief is a delusion. I do not think that it is unreasonable. The trust claim to use evidence based diagnosis; so what is their evidence? However, doctors Jonsson, Dolan and everyone else in the trust refuse to answer the question.

The reason why they will not answer the question is that there are no delusions. As I said, it is a malicious falsehood; I was subject to unlawful imprisonment and physical assault. If they answer then it will be shown for what it is and it will led the trust and its personal open to disciplinary proceedings, doctors being struck off, and maybe criminal prosecutions.

If ever I do get a chance to get justice, ‘doctor’ Jonsson will definitely end up in prison. However, Dr Robert Dolan has publically backed Jonsson and as a result is in very grave danger of sharing his fate to some extent. His is very likely to lose his job. With it will inevitably be the loss of his pension.

Could it be that Dr Robert Dolan would put his pension ahead of the truth and his duties? It is a possibly an explanation as to his despicable behaviour.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

The economics of the madhouse

I know I said that this blog is closed, but I haven’t finished designing its replacement yet. So I will continue to post here until I do and then I will transfer them over.

On Guido’s blog he has a post about deficit deniers. He finishes his post with the phrase “the economics of the madhouse” Well; I have an anecdote about that. I have said this several times, but I think I would like to repeat it again.

My background is in the development of analytical and trading systems in the financial sector. (However, ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson has decreed that this is all a delusion.) Although I have no expectations of ever working again, it is a subject that I maintain a keen interest in.

I was abducted from my home in November, 2008 while the economic crisis was in full flow. Whilst detained I was denied all access to any serious news sources. All I was offered was random copies of the Metro free newspaper that any members of staff may have picked up on their way to work. I repeatedly asked of a copy of the Financial Times so I could see what was happening. After a few weeks they let me have a copy and I discovered how far things had developed.

The ‘named nurse’ by her own admission had no interest in finance and was more interested in Madonna’s divorce than any thing else in the news. I foolishly pointed out this nurse that when I was free it was a one level and how far it had moved.

At my first tribunal at the end of my first month of imprisonment I was astonished to hear ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson state to the members that I believed I was in control of the global economy. This is as far from my actual belief as it is possible to get. Not only do I not believe that I am in control, I believe the nature of the system is that it cannot be controlled in any significant way and that attempts to do so will destabilise the whole thing.

In her testimony the nurse claimed I was obsessed with the charts that showed a decline. Yes, I looked at the charts a lot: that is how time-series data is presented. The very nature of the crisis was that every asset class was declining with the exception of US Treasuries. That was the important thing.

None of them had ever asked me anything about what I believed, the nature of the subject, my interests, or my interpretation. They just used it to fabricate a malicious fiction to justify their imprisonment of me.

Later in one of the last ward rounds I attended (I refused to go because they were a farce; full of lies of ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson who was closed to any evidence), ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson was showing off to his crowd and asked me about my thoughts on the economy. I said, “Technically speaking, you’re fucked.” There was a few laughs and Jonsson invited me to expand on my remark and how I would fix it. I said that there had been gross over spending and the debt was unsustainable. There would have to be massive cuts in public spending. At which point he cut me off and smiled at his audience.

At the end of ward round he offered me medication which I turned down. He said it would help me with my ‘peculiar’ beliefs about the economy. Its strange how things have turned out isn’t it.

Despite Jonsson having been shown to be wrong so many times, East London NHS Foundation Trust led by Dr Robert Dolan still stand by his diagnosis. However, they have never formally told me what my delusions are. Despite me repeatedly requesting answers, they refuse to answer the simple question of a) what are the supposedly delusional beliefs that I hold, b) what evidence do they have that I hold such a belief, c) proof that the belief is actually a delusion. That refusal clearly shows that there is no basis for the diagnosis, it is a malicious falsehood, and I was unlawfully imprisoned.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Fucking, piss-taking, lying cunts

I promised myself that I would never use bad language on this blog, but today I feel driven to it. I am sorry if the language offends.

Part of the home invasion of last week was they were going to arrange a session with the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) of Bethnal Green. It was intimated that unless I agreed, they were going to abduct me and lock me up again.

I fully expected that I would hear no more of it, but on Monday at 13:30 I got a call from a Mr Lawford Clough (tel:0207364 3199) offering me an appointment at 15:30 Today. I was not in a position to turn it down. If I did, they could say that they offered to help but I refused. So I agreed. I asked if he could send me confirmation via e-mail, but he said he could not. The tone of his voice was a clear give away when he said that the only had access to internal e-mail. This is odd because it is published in a directory as being lawford.clough@eastlondon.nhs.uk

So I give myself plenty of time today and get there at about 15:20 to find a sign on reception announcing that it was closed and I should use the intercom. The reception staff were in plane view having a gossip in a back room. I try the intercom, but there was no response.

Luckily, the staff took pity on me and offered to help. They took my name and contacted the doctor to say I was waiting down stairs. I was show a waiting area and assured that the doctor would be down in a moment.

The time of the appointment came (15:30) and there was no show. For a full fifteen minutes I waited, but there was no sign that anyone was going to see me nor was there any explanation for the delay. So I left.

It was going to be a short meeting anyway. The first thing I was going to ask was, “do they still stand with ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson’s diagnosis”. They were bound to say yes. At which point there is no way there could be any basis for discussion and I would leave.

There is no hope of justice for me. What really disgusts me is that everyone thinks that this is acceptable.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

I am still a free man

Well, ‘the authorities’ have been round to ‘take care of me’. I had one and a half (one was a PCSO) coppers, two doctors, and a social worker round at 4:30pm today with a warrant to enter my home and remove me.

After an hours worth of me ranting about how I was abused by ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson; that I have no future; and all I wanted was to be allowed to work, they find that there was no ground to section me and cart me off to Mile End Hospital. So they leave empty handed.

They are going to see if they can arrange for me to have an appointment to with the community heath people to see if the can help. That would be a totally pointless exercise. As far as they may do a fine service to most of the people they deal with; my case is beyond anything they could comprehend.

In the conversation they ask what I need. I tell them that all I want is to be allowed to work; to be treated exactly the same way as every other person in the country.

I point out that there is no prospect of any recovery while the Section III diagnosis stands. It has to be struck down before anything can happen. To achieve that Jonsson has to admit that he has lied. It also requires that I am told the evidence behind the diagnosis. I put it to all of them that asking for a formal statement of the diagnosis and supporting evidence is not an unreasonable request; none of them could retort with a rebuttal. However, it remains the case that I am not allowed this information. The Section III order and the diagnosis are fraudulent and malicious; that is why East London Foundation Trust will not answer the question.

I asked if I can have a meeting with everyone. That is MP’s, FTAC, NHS, DWP, Police, etc and let me present the full timeline of what happened, how I made every effort to live and work as a normal person, and how each of them has screwed up my life. Loads of shrugged shoulders; it is totally beyond all of them.

All that I am likely to get is one or two short “talking therapy” sessions over a period of a year and the recommendation that I take some form of medication. None of these will solve my problem, or ever recognise the fact that the cause was corruption within the previous Labour government.

There is no possibility of improvement until it is acknowledge that I am a victim of crime and that all the abuse that has been inflicted upon me is corrected. That is never going to happen. As we all know, all governments and their servants have a perfection that exceeds the divine. What is beyond me is that despite clear evidence that supports everything I say, none of these so-called professionals will ever entertain the concept that I might be right and what they are doing is morally wrong if not illegal.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Update 19 Aug 14:20

I have just had an entertaining telephone call from the council repair service. “We are calling about your recent repair of ‘replace lock and door after forced entry’”

It looks like the cheeky bastards had put in a request for repair before even turning up at my flat. This really shows the evil mentality of these people.

Another visit from the police

The police have been banging on my door again. I refused to let them in. I am all alone here with no witnesses. I cannot do that.

“Can you come out here and talk to us then?” – Yeah, right. After last time I have learned a lot. If I was in a public area, they would cart me off in a second.

I say “Go away”, and go about my business.

After a few minutes they bang on my door again and say, “We’re going now. Just to let you know the authorities are going to be coming round to take care of you”.

What does that mean? They are going to ‘take care of me’ are they? Somehow I don’t think that is going to be in my favour. I am going to be in prison very soon.

Please can all that read this blog remember that I have been begging for help for years and all I have got has been abuse. I am not sick, I am not a criminal; all I want is to be allowed to work on equal terms with everyone else. I am being locked up for wanting to work.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

My quest for justice is over

I have failed – there can be none.

My MP refuses to help, like her predecessor. I cannot get a solicitor to help me. Those organisations that are supposed to help (such as MIND, CAB, etc) refuse too. I cannot get healthcare. Far from protection by the police, I am subject to harassment by them (such as 2am visits banging loudly on my door to wake up the neighbours, etc). I am excluded from being allowed to earn a living.

What shall I do now?

I don’t have any plans in place yet. However, it will inevitably involve my death; I do not have a choice. I cannot continue to exist like this; what I have to endure exceeds what any rational being would regard as acceptable. I am not asking to be given anything; I just want to be allowed to work.

The real question is by what means shall my life end and how will others be involved. I don’t know the answer just yet, but I expect it to be very messy and probably a bit disruptive.

Should those that I blame for my ‘misfortune’ feel endangered?

It’s a good job that ‘doctor’ Ferdinand Jonsson identified that all the skills, experience and knowledge that I have gained in over fifty years was all a delusion, otherwise I could be very dangerous. Every one of you can rest easy in the knowledge that Jonsson’s diagnosis was flawless; based as it was on well researched evidence and correct procedures.

The documentary evidence from independent sources that backs up my story and contradicts his is nothing to be concerned about.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

THIS BLOG HAS NOW CLOSED

Website visits from government secure internet gateway

I have only been checking web stats intra-day for the last week or so as I have been pushing my quest for justice. Normally, I just check first thing in the morning over coffee. However, today I have just spotted visits to both my personal site and to this blog from someone in London using the Government’s secure internet gateway. IP Address: 62.25.109.197 – Hello, whoever you are.

I expect that I’ll get another visit from the police later and be abducted from my home like they did before. This time I don’t think there is any chance I will survive for more than a few hours.

If they really want to solve the problem then why not do what I have asked for repeatedly: talk to me properly and not after the police have beaten me up or the doctors have drugged me.

Radical isn’t it. They would say I have unrealistic expectations. Oh well, that is the way of government these days. Theft, betrayal, lies, abuse, violence are all legitimate tools for them. I have been on the receiving end of all of them.

Don’t let us forget my crime that is at the core of all this: I wanted to work.

Clearly the government believes that such desires are deviant and dangerous. Anyone who harbours such delusions must be severely dealt with.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace.

Updates

03Aug 12:00, My lunchtime check of my visitor stats has revealed a couple of interest entries. Two of the Solicitors (Bindman’s and Fisher Meredith) that I approached to ask for assistance and who claimed to be ‘too busy’ have made visits. They are ‘too busy’ to actually help someone in desperate need, but not ‘too busy’ to surf the blog of the poor soul that they refused to help.

I challenge Iain Duncan Smith to meet me

Nothing will come of this I know.

To: admin@centreforsocialjustice.org.uk

I have a challenge for you. Study my case with an open mind and try to understand.

Rather than write a long e-mail that you will never read may I simply say that I have been through hell and am at the stage when I have nothing left to lose anymore. I genuinely do think that death is my only option.

Briefly, I was formally a very successful freelance IT professional before the Labour government destroyed my livelihood. I have never recovered from what they did to me. This was not for the want of effort, I have tried to get help from everyone I could possibly think of. Every one of them has refused to help.

Unfortunately the Fixated Threat Assessment Centre (FTAC) have become involved and now things are far, far worse. I cannot get healthcare, I cannot get legal representation, I cannot get parliamentary representation, I cannot get protection under the law, I am excluded from earning a living. I am denied things that most people consider basic rights.

I cannot go on living like this. I have a slogan: All I wanted to do was to have earned a living in peace. I hate existing on benefits that will be withdrawn at any time. I have only ever wanted to work.

If I cannot be allowed to work again, may I at least be allowed to die as I describe in my blog.

If you are genuinely interested in social justice then please can we have a meeting to discuss what has been done to me?

If his group has any genuine interest in Social Justice he will meet with me. I can calmly and rationally present a case that shows that I have been subject to horrendous abuse by the state.

I have had my livelihood stolen, denied access to social benefits and housing, denied access to healthcare, denied protection under the rule of law, denied parliamentary representation, and denied access to legal advice and representation. These things are considered rights by most people. However, it is perfectly alright that I cannot have access to them.

None of the schemes that are presented in his latest report will do anything for me; and I doubt that they will for anyone else either. If this group talks to people like me who have seen what actually goes on and have the ability to analyse and formulate solutions then there will be far greater progress.

All that will happen by enacting the schemes described will be deep, widespread suffering and resentment that will probably be expressed through violence. Savings in one budget will be offset by greater spending in other areas. Genuine savings can only be achieved by doing proper research using people who have practical experience.

As always: All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living.

Euthanasia for the terminally unemployed

Earlier today this blog had a visit from a post I made on AnnaRacoons Blog about Euthanasia for the terminally unemployed. I believe that it should be available more than ever. I think it is cruel to make people continue to live on when there is no chance that they will ever be allowed to have any satisfaction in life at any level. Our only choice is suicide, but there the prospects are grim. Doing physical damage to oneself is painful with the high probability of it not being successful and having to continue in a worse state. I’ve made attempts, obviously failed, and it is the fear of failing again that has prevented me from trying again; up until now.. If successful, the remains may lay undiscovered for some considerable amount of time; it would in my case.

Western culture frowns upon suicide and will punish those that want to cease to exist by imprisoning them. Having spent sometime at the hands of such people I can assure everyone that it is worse than dying. The never ending emptiness of ones life, with nothing to do, nothing to read, nobody to talk to except your jailers, or other prisoners who although nice, were mainly very highly disturbed, and often had learning difficulties. The cleaners did their best to maintain standards, but the other patients reduced the ward to a state of disgusting squalor. I had to endure this emptiness for months on end, without any hope of change. I will never go through that again.

I am not allowed to have a life that is in anyway comparable to the standards that others expect. What is more, I am not allowed to know why. I wish I understood the logic by which this world works. Nobody, except me, thinks that there is anything wrong. In that case, you can keep it, I want no more to do with it.

There is a scene in the classic film Soylent Green that would suit me fine. In this story euthanasia is encouraged and people are treated with some modicum of dignity at their end. I clearly cannot continue, so can I have at least some dignity in death and be allowed to die like this. The alternatives for me are to die alone and let my body rot until the stench becomes unpleasant to the neighbours, or I could do something in public and inconvenience many people.

A nice bit of Beethoven, some pleasant images (can I have Caribbean scenes please) and something to peacefully end life would be nice. Dump the body in the incinerator with the rest of the waste will be fine.

Here we go again.

I've just spotted a police van out side. And there we go ... a knock on my door. Just has a calm chat. "Bla, Bla, Bla..... Good night", says I. Plod, "OK, were going now." and off they wander. Outside the look up to my flat and then get inside their van. The wait there for 15 mins, but have now driven off. Pointless.

Yet another policeman banging on my door

I just ignored it. After a while they went away.

Gentlemen, I am not going to talk to you. You cannot intimidate me by your visits.

If you want to resolve this issue then rethink what you are doing. Let me have the same rights as everyone else. Let me have protection under the law. Let me have access to proper healthcare. Let me have access to legal representation. Let me have access to political representation. LET ME WORK!

I know, they are outrageous and unrealistic expectations.

Updates

28 Jul 20:20 - There is a police car and an ambulance waiting just up the street. I think they may be for me.

28 Jul 20:27 - The ambulance has driven off, but the police car is still there.

28 Jul 20:37- The police car has gone now. I expect they will be banging on my door in the early hours again.

Another attempt to get a solicitor

It is a futile effort, I know. I have to do things like this as an evidence gathering exercise.

I e-mailed the following solicitor firms last night:

• Hodge, Jones & Allen
• Blavo & Co.
• Burke Naiazi
• Duncan Lewis
• Fisher Meredith
• Scott-Moncrieff

I do not expect to hear from any of them, at least not in a positive way. The best I can expect is a letter claiming that they are ’too busy’.

I’ll give them a few days and then write to the Law Society for advice. Not that anything will come of that, but it may be entertaining to see what response or lack of it I get.

Updates

(15:20) A response from one of them! Rachel Short from Fisher Meredith (rachel.short@fishermeredith.co.uk, Tel:020 7091 2849) Guess what: "Thank you for your enquiry, unfortunately at this time we do not have capacity to deal with your case."

(21:45) I have just looked at the stats for this site. Although Fisher Meredith are far too busy to help me, they found time to make over 100 visits to this site. Google has done it's magic too and the search term "Rachel Short Fisher Meredith" lists this site as number one. I know I should feel guilty about that, but ... er .. um ..[laugh] sorry.

(29Jul 11:00) I've had more than a dozen visits to this blog so far this morning from 'we are too busy' Fisher Meredith. In that time they could have written a letter to Dr Dolan of East London NHS trust to get him to answer the question. I cannot get any form of legal help because of blatant discrimination. It is disgusting.

Thoughts on a sleepless night I

As I go through the final stages before the imminent end I feel the need to express the feelings I have. Mostly this is self-indulgence to clarify things in my own mind, but if it helps others that are going through similar problems then that is a bonus.

I am writing this at around 2am. My sleep patterns are all over the place. Poor sleep hygiene is what the medical types call it. The term reminds me of comedy shows with an adolescent boy being made to ware boxing gloves at night. It is rare that I get a full night sleep, but normally I manage to cope and not suffer during the day. However, this last week has been different with painful headaches and the need to sleep during the day.

Prior to getting up, I was thinking about these last few blog posts. I was thinking of ways to describe just how I felt. The term ‘dirty’ kept coming to mind. I feel physically dirty. My surroundings are dirty. My clothes and possessions are old and worn. I feel ashamed of what I have lost and what I have become.

[This is the point when the police came banging on my door]

This is not to say that I am not looking after myself. I am far better than most single men when it comes to cleaning. Equally, I am not talking about obsessive cleaning and still feeling dirty.

The key to understanding my feelings come from something I was reading during the day about loss of identity. A phrase that I keep thinking is “this is not me”. It is as if I have been forced to step back and a barrier erected. The interface between me and the world is a façade that isn’t me at all.

When I look inside myself it is not a pleasant landscape. Though it is not devoid of joy and pleasure, these are rare. What dominate are tears, grief, loss, fear and anger. I have feelings of injustice and a desire for vengeance, but mainly confusion about why this is happening. It just doesn’t make sense at any level or perspective.

What is truly terrifying is when I look deep inside myself; into what some might call ones soul. This is best way to imagine this is to recall a scene from dreadful horror film where someone is conscious as their body purifies. I feel my very soul rotting inside me.

On top of all this gets layered the insults of ‘doctor’ Jonsson and the rest of the medical ‘professionals’. They deliberately reversed causality; decreed events and aspects, such as my skill set, as being delusions even though I have documentary evidence that they are true; and distorted or even fabricated events and beliefs. When I complain all I get is stonewalled. In fact the more I protest that they have got it wrong, the more that refuse to listen. There is no hope of any resolution.

I detest everything my life has become. Along with “this is not me”, I keep thinking the phrase, “I cannot go on living like this”. I have made a few attempts at suicide in the past, but I have been too incompetent or afraid to get it right. Some have said it was because I still had hope, but I see it as being in denial. I have no reason to exist. I have no function to perform and I derive no pleasure from existence. In deed existence is suffering and that suffering can only grow.

The time has come for things to end. The questions are ‘by what means’ and ‘how should I resolve my desire for vengeance’. These are topics for later posts.

I just wish I understood why this has happened. All I ever wanted to do was to have earned a living peace. Why was that so wrong? What where they expecting me to do for the rest of my life?